


Find 'X'

by bangster_12



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Slight Angst?, ex-lovers, fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 00:23:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21065687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangster_12/pseuds/bangster_12
Summary: Junmyeon made a deadly mistake a long time ago. But destiny was cruel with him. For the very person he was avoiding was now his Math professor.Their paths now crossed again. Will Junmyeon take this second chance?





	1. Finding X

“Why did I even agree to this?” 

Junmyeon can only sigh when he found himself in front of the classroom door. It’s the first day of summer and he should be sleeping now but his best, and only, friend had guilt trip him to take the special summer courses.

Math. Of all subjects, his best friend had chosen that.

Kyungsoo looked back and stopped by the door when he saw Junmyeon not moving. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Math and fun don’t go together, Kyung,” Junmyeon said. “This is torture. Why did I give up my summer for this?”

“Come on,” Kyungsoo tugged at his arm. “Didn’t we agree that we’ll take the summer classes so we can get the music program next semester?”

Junmyeon glared at his friend. He knew that Kyungsoo only wanted to get into the music program because of one person. “I didn’t agree. You coerced me.”

“Correction, I enlightened you,” Kyungsoo said. “Please?”

Junmyeon cursed internally. His best friend just gave him the puppy look and Junmyeon can’t really say no to that.

“Fine. But my meals are on you for the entire week,” Junmyeon said.

“Deal,” Kyungsoo said then smiled when Junmyeon finally moved.

They were both surprised to see that the room is almost full. It was a special summer class and they thought that only a handful would enroll. They decided to sit at the back since the only vacant seats next to each other are at the back.

There were excited chatters amongst the students. Junmyeon wondered why. Another set of students entered the room and he heard Kyungsoo gasped. Jongin, Kyungsoo’s crush since freshman, just walked into the room.

“Oh my god!”

“I swear to god, Kyung,” Junmyeon slowly turned to Kyungsoo. “If the reason why you enrolled in this class is because of Jongin, I’m going to drop this.”

“I swear I didn’t know that he was enrolling! I heard that he was supposed to be going home for summer,” Kyungsoo said. “I promise!”

But Junmyeon only glared at him. “Make it a month worth of free meals.”

“Freeloader,” Kyungsoo grumbled. “But fine.”

With that, Junmyeon faced the front to ignore his best friend swooning over their schoolmate. The chatters just got louder and Junmyeon tried to listen in. Apparently, the professor handling the summer class was new. And young. And handsome. And good. And the reason why there were so many students was because the professor.

Junmyeon sighed. If he ended up wasting his summer over this incompetent professor, he will seriously make his best friend pay.

The bell rang and instead of the students settling down, the excitement grew.

“Good morning.”

Junmyeon’s head snapped up at the familiar voice reaching his ears.

His heart dropped. Maybe his jaw too.

It isn’t possible.

How could it be?

HOW?

Out of all people, why?

Why did it have to be him?

How long has it been?

Two?

Three years?

Why?

Why why why?

“Hi class,” the professor greeted, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I’m Professor Oh Sehun and I will be your professor for this summer class. It’s my first time so I hope you all would take care of me,” he smiled up at his students.

Junmyeon can practically hear some swooning happening. Junmyeon tried to make himself smaller, smaller in his chair until he can disappear. He was glad that they were at the back.

“Wow, handsome and smart,” Kyungsoo whispered beside him. “Now that’s a perfect man.”

Junmyeon closed his eyes, holding his feelings at bay. Kyungsoo was right. The man in front of them is handsome and smart and perfect.

So perfect and so out of his league.

Junmyeon clutched his chest. _Was he having a panic attack now?_

“Shall we do a roll call? Do people still do that?,” Professor Oh asked.

Junmyeon was taking deep breaths now. A what now?

“Hey, are you okay?,” Kyungsoo asked.

“I need air,” Junmyeon said. “I’ll just get out.”

“Are you unwell? Do you want to go to the infirmary?”

Junmyeon shook his head. He just wanted to disappear.

“Professor Oh?”

Junmyeon’s eyes widened in panic as he saw his best friend raising his hand.

“My friend is feeling unwell. May I take him to the infirmary, please?”

Junmyeon tried his hardest to tug Kyungsoo’s hand down. “Put it down. I’m fine,” he whispered angrily.

“Oh, yes, you may. But what are your names? So that I can check it in the list?,” Professor Oh asked.

“It’s Do Kyungsoo, sir,” Kyungsoo said despite the protests happening beside him. “And Kim Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon held his breath. Damn his best friend. Damn it. Damn it.

“Kim Junmyeon?,” Professor Oh repeated.

“Yes, he suddenly felt unwell,” Kyungsoo said. “Hey, Myeonnie, can you get up?”

“Kyungsoo, I’m fine,” Junmyeon hissed.

“Oh. Are you sure?”

“Yes. Put your hand down,” Junmyeon said.

“Oh, I’m sorry for disrupting the class, Professor Oh, but my friend said he’s okay,” Kyungsoo stated, earning grumbles from his class.

“Are you sure?,” Professor Oh asked. “Kim Junmyeon, are you fine?”

Junmyeon kept his head down, praying hard that all of what’s happening was just a dream.

Right, it was just a dream, right? When Junmyeon will open his eyes, he will be back in his room, right?

But when he opened it and raised his head, a familiar set of eyes was staring back at him.

How long has it been since they made eye contact?

“Are you fine?,” Professor Oh asked again. There was something in his expression that Junmyeon can’t quite tell.

“I’m fine,” Junmyeon answered, trying so hard to keep his voice from shaking. “I’m fine, sir.”

Sehun held his gaze a little longer. Junmyeon felt his face getting hot, his eyes prickled. _Shit, is he gonna cry?_

“Okay, class,” Sehun shifted his gaze to the board and started his lesson.

Junmyeon sighed in relief.

Four hours.

Junmyeon sat in the class for four hours, listening to Sehun discussing about finding the values of x and y. But Junmyeon can’t even focus. He was just staring at his blank notebook, pen poised but nothing’s ever written. And every time he looks up, all he can see is Sehun’s broad shoulders.

_Did he get taller?_

_He’s leaner._

_How did he end up here?_

_Is he still mad at him?_

The bell finally rang and Junmyeon practically ran outside the room. Kyungsoo had to shout his name and run after him.

“What’s the matter with you?,” Kyungsoo demanded.

“I just need to get away,” Junmyeon said. “I’m sorry, Kyung, I’ll go ahead.”

“No,” Kyungsoo gripped his hand. “Please, tell me what’s bothering you. Tell me so I could help.”

Junmyeon saw movement and he saw Sehun walked out of the room, looking for someone. _Looking for him_. And when their eyes met for the second time that day, Junmyeon could feel the thousand questions burning in those eyes looking longingly at him.

“I’m sorry, Kyung,” Junmyeon forced his arm from Kyungsoo's grasp and ran as fast as he could.

He locked himself in his room. He phone rang non-stop until it ran out of battery. Kyungsoo had come and pounded on his room but Junmyeon didn’t budge. He curled himself on the corner of his bed, too tired from crying to even make a move.

So many questions were running in his head. And he wanted those to go away.

There was another person knocking on his door, but this time, the knocks were gentler.

“Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon’s heart skipped a beat. Oh Sehun was on the other side of the door.

“Are you in there? I know you’re in there.”

Junmyeon closed his eyes as fresh wave of tears were forming in his eyes.

“I didn’t come for you. If that’s what you’re worried about, then you must know that I didn’t come for you. I didn’t know that you’ll be one of my students. If I had known, I would not have come here. You left for a reason even though you never really told me why you suddenly left me all those years ago. And I have learned to accept that. I have accepted that, Junmyeon. So don’t worry, I won’t be bothering you. And no one has to know about us.”

Junmyeon covered his mouth with both hands as the sobs he was making were getting louder.

“You already broke my heart, a long time ago, Junmyeon. And I’m not going to make the same mistake again.”

Junmyeon gasped for air. The pain in his chest was getting unbearable now.

“It was nice seeing you again, Junmyeon. It really was. And I am all okay now. And I really do hope that you are too.”

Junmyeon saw the shadow from his door retreating until there was nothing more. Junmyeon moved, flew towards the door and yanked it open, shouting Sehun’s name.

But he didn’t come back.

No one came back.

Like always.

He was alone.

And it was always his fault.


	2. Parallel Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parallel lines, (n.) are lines in a plane which do not meet; that is, two lines in a plane that do not intersect or touch each other at any point.
> 
> Will they stay as parallel lines?

Sehun lied.

Of course he did.

Because Sehun doesn’t know what to say to Junmyeon.

Because…

…what do you say to someone who broke your heart and left you without a word?

…what do you say to someone who tried so hard not to be found?

…what do you say to someone you tried to hate but you can never do?

…what do you say to someone who’s on your mind every second even if you do not know if he’s also thinking of you?

…what do you say to someone you tried to get over with?

…what do you say?

The only truth he said to him was that he never knew that Junmyeon was to become his student. When Junmyeon left him, Sehun tried to find him. Everywhere. But the days turned to weeks and then years.

Sehun had given up hope to see him again. He accepted that fact that he’ll never see Junmyeon again.

_Was it something he did? Was it something he never did? Was it something he said?_

Those were the questions that plague Sehun every night, the time of the day that he misses Junmyeon the most.

_But he has perfected how to lie to himself._ So that he won’t break down all the nights that Junmyeon was not by his side.

And no, Sehun was not okay. _He never was_, when Junmyeon left. And maybe, he never will be. But he had taught himself how to get by day by day.

It took all his willpower not to stare at Junmyeon a little too longer in class. It took all his strength in stopping himself from going after Junmyeon after every class. It took all pieces of his broken heart in stopping himself from asking all the questions that are burning in his heart.

_Have they really become parallel lines now?_

The university had become lively that night. A lot of students have been coming and going. Something was happening, a festival of some sort.

And it was a good distraction. Sehun had never really enjoyed stuff like these in college. _He was either busy studying or busy trying to live. _

_He was busy trying to fix his broken heart._

Sehun left his glass case in his table. He could’ve leave it be, get it in the morning. But that was one of the things he has left of Junmyeon, so he must have it back.

He pressed the close button on the elevator, waiting for the doors to close. As it was about to, a hand shot out, stopping the doors to close. Sehun immediately pressed the Hold button.

Then he held his breath.

Junmyeon stepped in the elevator, breathless, his cheeks pink from the cold outside.

“Thank –”

The words died on Junmyeon’s lips. The sparkle disappeared from his eyes the moment he saw Sehun standing close. Junmyeon turned on his foot to exit, Sehun too shocked to move and stop him.

But Junmyeon wasn’t able to get out.

A lot of students entered the elevators, with huge boxes and bags in their hands, trapping Junmyeon and Sehun at the back.

Sehun saw that Junmyeon was squirming, his breath fast and short. _A panic attack_. Junmyeon has always been afraid to be trapped in a small room with lots of people.

Sehun maneuvered his body. There was shuffling, no touching, but he managed to push Junmyeon’s back on the elevator walls.

They were face to face.

If Junmyeon would look up.

Sehun never left his eyes on the person in front of him.

But Junmyeon’s breathing didn’t go back to normal and he was clenching his fists hard, his knuckles turning white.

“Jun,” Sehun breathed. He heard Junmyeon took a sharp breath, a small shudder rocked his little body. “Jun, look at me.”

One second. Two. Three.

Junmyeon looked up, his eyes were pleading.

_What was he pleading for?_

“Just like the old times,” Sehun said, his hand on Junmyeon’s back, pushing him forward, pressing him close to Sehun’s body.

Sehun waited, and prayed, until Junmyeon finally rested his head in Sehun’s chest, a deep sigh escaping his body.

Sehun tried to slow his heart beats, taking deep breaths.

Junmyeon had copied it, his breaths getting even now, falling in pace with Sehun’s.

And Sehun dared. He dared and dipped his head low, his lips now above Junmyeon’s head. He closed his eyes.

And he breathed in.

He breathed Junmyeon in and he pictured it.

All the mornings they spent together.

All the nights they were together.

The dreams that they made.

And the dreams that may never come true.

A loud _Ding!_ startled both of them. Both of them were so lost in each other’s arms that they forgot where they were.

Junmyeon stepped away immediately, easing himself away from Sehun and into the students who were getting of the elevator.

And Sehun…

_Have they really become parallel lines now?_

The doors were about to close and Sehun got out in time, reaching for Junmyeon’s hand, pulling him closer to him.

“Junmyeon.”


	3. The Value of Y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y stands for the unknown.

Junmyeon shivered.

And no, it wasn’t because of the cold.

Anticipation.

His heart was beating loudly in his chest as he watched Sehun buying them hot drinks inside the convenience store. Junmyeon was sitting outside, sitting on his hands, knees bouncing in anticipation.

Sehun came out, pushing the glass door with his shoulder, two steaming styro cups in his hands.

“Here,” he gave one to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon reached out with both hands, enveloping the cup, sighing when he felt the warmth.

“Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon looked up, wondering.

But Sehun shook his head, a little smile on his lips. “Nothing. I just wanted to call your name.”

Junmyeon ducked his head to hide the blush on his cheeks. He brought the cup closer to his lips, blew off the steam before taking a tentative sip.

“Careful,” Sehun, who sat beside him, gently held his wrist. “Always impatient,” Sehun blew on his cup and blew, then held it towards Junmyeon.

Understanding, Junmyeon exchanged his cup for Sehun’s. He muttered a quiet ‘thanks’ before taking a sip.

They were quiet for a few moments, with just the sound of the glass door opening and closing, and Sehun humming beside him.

“Are you not going to attend the festival?,” Sehun asked.

Junmyeon shook his head, sipping again from the cup.

“Use your words, Jun. I want to hear your voice.”

Junmyeon brought down the cup, which was almost empty now. “No. I hate crowds.”

Sehun hummed. “How did I do?”

“What?”

“As a teacher. How did I do? Was I okay?”

Junmyeon chanced a glance at the man beside him. It was a good thing that Sehun was not looking at him. At least Junmyeon can stare at his face a little too long. A little too long so that he can memorize and update Sehun’s face in his memory.

Sehun suddenly looked at him, startling Junmyeon, spilling the cup’s contents on his lap.

“Still clumsy,” Sehun smiled as he stood then crouched down in front of Junmyeon, who was busy trying to dry off the spill with his hands.

Sehun pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and pulled Junmyeon’s hands away. He started to gently dab the cloth on the wet spot on Junmyeon’s lap.

“Hey Jun.”

“Hmm?”

“Are you happy that you saw me again?,” Sehun asked, hands stilling on the other man’s lap. “Because I am. I’m so happy to see you again. To see that at least you’re well. To see that at least you’re happy. So are you? Or is it just me? Are you happy?”

“No, I’m not happy.”

Sehun’s closed his eyes. He had expected that answer but it hurts more than he thought it would be. “I see,” Sehun said as he stood up.

He was about to step away but Junmyeon held his hands.

“I’m not happy, Sehun. I never was happy. And I don’t think I’ll ever be happy. But leaving you was the only way for you to be happy. Even if it would cost my own.”

“Jun…I have been hurting since the day you left me. And I thought that over time, I’ll get over it. That the pain would be less than was it was the day before. But no. The pain got stronger every day. Every second that you’re not with me. I tried to move on. I really did. But I just can’t. You left me. And you took my heart with you.”

Junmyeon held Sehun’s hands tighter as tears started to spill from his eyes.

He has to tell Sehun.

He has to tell him the reason why he left.

He has to tell him that he’s a coward. He has to tell him that he’s selfish. He has to tell him that he’s a monster. He has to tell him that he’s not worth it. He has to tell him that he deserves someone better.

“Sehun...,” Junmyeon’s voice broke. “Sehun. I want to tell you everything. Even if it’ll make you hate me more.”

“Junmyeon. I don’t care about it anymore. All that I want to know is the future. If you’ll be there. Because I’m waiting. I’ve been waiting. The past don’t matter to me anymore.”

“No,” Junmyeon said firmly. “You have to know. And maybe then you’ll change your mind about me.”

“No. Nothing will ever change my mi—”

“I killed your brother.”

“What?”

“I killed your brother,” Junmyeon said in a smaller voice now.

“Jun, what are you saying? My brother died in an accident. Everyone said it. Even the responders said it was an accident.”

Junmyeon shook his head and closed his eyes. He can still see it clearly. The broken body on his feet, blood slowly creeping on his white shoes. The screams of everyone around him.

And he was frozen. He stood frozen.

“Jun. Come back to me,” Sehun shook Junmyeon slightly. “That was a long time ago. There’s nothing we can do about it now.”

“But at that time, there was,” Junmyeon said. “I pushed him on the road. We were joking around. We started to push each other. And I pushed a little too strong and —”

Junmyeon’s words were cut off when Sehun pulled him up and enveloped him in a tight embrace.

“Sshh, Jun. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s all over now.”

Junmyeon’s confused. _Why is Sehun comforting him? Why is Sehun not mad at him? Didn’t Sehun understand?_

“Sehun, because of me, your brother is dead. Because I pushed him. Because I froze. Because I panicked. If I could’ve –”

“My brother would still be dead, Jun,” Sehun said. “He died on the spot and it wasn’t your fault. He was a victim of a hit and run. He wasn’t yours.”

“But it’s my fault!” Junmyeon shouted in Sehun’s chest. _Maybe the shouting will make Sehun understand._ “Don’t you understand what I’m saying? It was my fault. It was —”

“I know. I know about all of it, Jun.”

“Then you should hate me. Curse me. Hit me. Anything! Do anything! Don’t hold me! Don’t comfort me! Hate me!”

Junmyeon was trying to escape from Sehun’s arms but Sehun would not let him go. He just allowed Junmyeon to hit him, over and over again until Junmyeon dropped his hands and sobbed harder in Sehun’s chest.

“Why are you not hating me? Please hate me. Hate me so I could be in peace.”

“It breaks my heart even more to know that you suffered that much in all those years, Jun,” Sehun said. “You left me because you think that I would hate you when I will know the truth. You didn’t kill him, Jun. It was that drunk driver. He swerved a little too close to where you two were walking.”

“I pushed him…”

“And he pushed you back. He pushed you away, Jun,” Sehun said, rubbing soothing circles on Junmyeon’s back, trying to calm him down. “He pushed you away so you won’t be hit.”

“It should’ve been me that night. It should’ve been me.”

“Please stop saying that. Please stop. I beg of you.”

“You should hate me. Because I do. I hate myself. I can’t live with myself.”

“Then let me love you. If you hate yourself then let my love be enough for both of us. If you can’t live with yourself, then let me back in. I’ll live for the both of us. Just let me stay by your side. Just let me be with you. Let me love you again, Jun. Let me love you again.”


	4. Slope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slope, (n.) the change between two distinct points on a line.

His fingers ghosted over the sleeping man’s face. Their faces were so close, he could count the eyelashes on Sehun’s closed lids.

But he didn’t touch him. His hand just hovered over Sehun’s face. Compared to last night, Sehun was now relaxed and he looked so young, like how he looked when the two of them met the first time.

They talked about everything. Well, everything except the most important one.

_Will he?_

_Will he give themselves another chance?_

_Will Junmyeon be selfish and stay with him or is letting go really the best option for them?_

Those were the questions that kept him up all night. He knew it in his heart what his answer would be. But he knew in his head what the correct answer should be.

Junmyeon slowly got up, pocketed his now dead phone and picked his backpack from the floor.

If he must leave him, he should do it now.

“So you’re really going to leave me.”

Junmyeon turned to see Sehun awake, slowly sitting up from the bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“You’re going to leave me. Again. Without a word,” Sehun ran a hand on his already messy hair. “Again.”

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon said quietly, lowering his head.

“That’s what you keep saying but I doubt if you really mean it.”

Junmyeon detected anger in Sehun’s voice, so he looked up. Sehun was standing now, both hands on his waist. He looked at Junmyeon, as if daring him to say more. So Junmyeon did.

“I don’t know what to say. What do you want me to say?”

“Say you’ll stay. Say you’ll give us another chance.”

Junmyeon opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He just looked at Sehun, whose face was both anguished and hurt. And Junmyeon did that. He did that to Sehun.

“Is this what you want? Leaving me? Is this what you really want?,” Sehun asked, taking steps towards Junmyeon until he was standing before him. “Is that what you really want to do, Jun?”

Junmyeon looked down, afraid to face Sehun. He was itching to go. To leave. To leave everything unanswered.

“Jun, look at me,” Sehun pleaded. “Damn it, Jun, look at me!”

Junmyeon whimpered. He shook his head. “I don’t want to. Please don’t do this to me, Sehun. I can’t do this.”

“Baby, please,” Sehun’s voice broke. He held Junmyeon’s waist and pulled him closer, resting his forehead in Junmyeon’s head. “Baby, please. Give us a chance again. I love you.”

_Those three words._

Like a dam breaking, tears stream down both their faces.

_Why was it always like that?_

_Was love supposed to hurt like that?_

“Baby,” Sehun tried again. “Jun, please.”

“I can’t, Sehun. You know I can’t. I love you but we can’t be together.”

“I told you it wasn’t your fault.”

“But I can’t help but feeling that it is,” Junmyeon cried.

“What can I do so that you’ll believe me? Why are you hurting yourself for something that you didn’t do? Why are you hurting both of us for something that wasn’t our fault?”

“It’s eating me alive, the guilt, that night. I can’t get it out of my head, Sehun. Every time I close my eyes, that night is all I can see. I don’t want you to live that nightmare. I can’t forgive myself for putting you through all that again.”

“Jun,” Sehun’s hold on him tightened. “I can bear anything. I can do anything as long as I’m with you. Why can’t you do the same? Why can’t you let me in? Why won’t you let me help you?”

“Because I’m broken. And I don’t want to break you too.”

“The only time you’ll break me is when you’re not with me,” Sehun whispered. “Jun, please.”

“Sehun, you deserve –”

“Please don’t say I deserve better because if that’s the case, I won’t accept what’s better if it isn’t you.”

“Please don’t say that. You’ll find someone better who’ll love you better than I can. Why can’t you just let me go?”

“Because I don’t want to. Not when I know that you still feel the same way.”

“Sehun,” Junmyeon was also begging now. He can’t be selfish. He can’t be only thinking of his own happiness. He already took it the night his brother died. He must not do it again. “I have to go.”

“No. Not until you give me a proper answer.”

“We have classes to —”

“Damn those classes,” Sehun said. “If you leave me now, Junmyeon. If you choose to leave me, then say it to my face this time. Say it to me.”

Sehun’s hold slackened. Junmyeon didn’t realize he was leaning into Sehun until he almost fell forward when Sehun stepped back. He caught himself, now missing the warmth and closeness of the other man.

“I don’t want you to regret everything, Sehun. I can’t live with myself. Loving me is a mis —”

“Don’t you dare call what I feel for you as a mistake, Jun. Don’t you dare. I love you and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Please stop saying those things.”

“Why? Why mustn’t I say those things?”

_Because it will make it hard for me to let you go._

Junmyeon wanted to shout. But he didn’t say it.

“When you left that day, Junmyeon, I was so lost. I kept telling myself that you’ll be back. I was confident that you’ll be back because you love me and we can’t be apart. So I waited. And waited. I didn’t listen to what others were saying. They said that you’ll never return. I didn’t listen to them because you wouldn’t do that to me. You left because you thought I’ll hate you for what happened. Now tell me why you’re choosing to leave me again. Tell me this time, Junmyeon. Tell me you don’t love me anymore. Convince me that you don’t love me anymore. Because then, I’ll stop. I’ll stop waiting for you.”

Junmyeon looked up to meet Sehun’s eyes. Those eyes looked so resigned, so tired and yes, so broken.

And he did that.

_How can he do that to someone he loves?_

Junmyeon took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, he held in his tears.

“I don’t love you anymore, Oh Sehun. I don’t want to be with you anymore. So forget me, Oh Sehun. I don’t love you anymore.”

Junmyeon didn’t know what Sehun’s reaction was because he bolted towards the door and sobbed hard the moment the door closed.

He ran towards the exit and outside the building. He only made it as far as two blocks as he can no longer bear it. He broke down and let it all out. He didn’t care if people were looking at him strangely.

_Because who cries in the middle of the street so early in the morning?_

Junmyeon didn’t care.

His world was crashing down again.

_How cruel must the world be?_

_Was this his punishment?_

_To find his love again but can’t be with him?_

_To have his heart beating again after it has been dead for years only for it to be hurt again?_

Sehun should’ve just let him be. Sehun’s should’ve just left him alone. They could’ve just continued to be strangers. At least that way they can be together, the only way they must be.

But why was Junmyeon blaming him? Why was he blaming Sehun when he did nothing wrong? When all Sehun ever did was just to love him?

_Was it really so wrong to be in love?_

Junmyeon could just drop everything and ran back to Sehun. But he knew. He knew that he’ll hold him back.

Because of what he did.

Because of who he is.

And Sehun was too good for him. He always has been. He still can’t even fathom why such a perfect man chose to love him.

_Why?_

_Why did it have to be him?_

_Why did it have to be them?_

_Why did it have to be this way?_


	5. Vertex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vertex, (n.) a point where two lines meet.

If he could, Junmyeon would wish to go back to the first time they met and do everything else differently.

If this was what’s waiting for them in the future, then Junmyeon doesn’t want it for Sehun.

So if he could, he’ll go back in time.

And maybe then.

Maybe then, they could’ve been much happier.

Much happier.

_Separately. _

Sehun could’ve been happier with someone else.

Sehun wouldn’t be hurting.

“Where’s Professor Oh?”

Junmyeon looked up at Kyungsoo, whose attention was on the person who just walked into the room.

It wasn’t Sehun. It was a different person who walked in.

There were loud whispers amongst the students until one of them raise his hand and asked Professor Oh’s whereabouts.

“Professor Oh quit,” the new professor said.

“But it’s almost end of summer!,” another one said.

“Yes, Professor Oh’s quite aware of that matter. He has some personal matters to attend to and he wishes his class to not dwell on that much but instead do good in classes. Can you all do that for him?”

There were half-hearted assents given. The new professor started his class when no one was asking more questions.

“So I guess the rumors were true,” Kyungsoo quietly said beside Junmyeon.

“Rumors? What rumors?”

“They said that someone saw a student left Professor Oh’s apartment yesterday. In the wee hours of the morning. Oh right, you weren’t here yesterday too but Professor Oh was called to the dean’s office in the middle of our class,” Kyungsoo said. “When Professor Oh came back, it was obvious something was wrong but he continued the class as if nothing was wrong. So I guess the rumors were true then. Did you think he quit or did they fire him? And who do you think—”

Junmyeon didn’t listen anymore as he stood up and ran outside, aware of his name being called by Kyungsoo and their new professor.

Junmyeon was blindly running. Running into people and things. He didn’t even stop to apologize.

Because there’s only one person he has to apologize to.

He lied. Junmyeon lied. What he said yesterday were all lies.

And he wanted to tell Sehun that.

And he will ask him to take him back.

Because while his head knew what was the correct answer, his heart knew what was the right one.

And the right one was to be with Sehun.

He’ll ask him to take him back. He’ll beg if he has to. He’ll ask Sehun to forget everything he said yesterday.

He’ll beg.

He’ll grovel.

“Oh, the young man already left.”

Junmyeon looked at the old lady who stepped out from her apartment. Junmyeon has been pounding on Sehun’s door but no one was answering.

“When?”

“This morning?,” the lady said. “I was on my way to jog when I saw him with a bag. He said he was leaving.”

“Did he say where he was going?”

“No. I’m sorry.”

Junmyeon’s knees gave out, his heart dropped.

“Young man, are you okay?”

Junmyeon can’t answer because he was busy trying to breathe in between his sobs.

Junmyeon was walking aimlessly.

He didn’t know where he was.

And he didn’t care.

His love came back and he pushed it away.

He was given a second chance and he threw it away.

He had a second shot at love, to do everything right this time, but he was too scared to give it a try.

So he didn’t care.

_What was the point anyway?_

_Because what will be the odds that he’ll be given another chance again?_

“Hey, watch it!”

Junmyeon was yanked back harshly. He was about to cross a busy street when the ‘Don’t Walk’ sign was lighted. The man who pulled him back kept muttering angrily at his side.

Junmyeon bowed deeply and apologized.

_Was that something he’ll be doing all his life?_

_Apologize?_

_To everyone? _

_To everyone but himself?_

The ‘Walk’ sign was already lighted and Junmyeon looked up to see where he was going.

But his steps and heart stopped when he saw the person standing at the opposite end.

Standing under the streetlight, with his hair pushed back.

Just like the first time they met.

Sehun was standing at the opposite side, looking straight at him.

“Junmyeon!”

Junmyeon’s feet moved and he ran.

_He ran towards Sehun._

_He ran towards him this time._

Junmyeon collided with Sehun, the other man too surprised they almost fell backwards. Sehun caught him, steadied both themselves and pulled them at the side, far from the crossing crowd.

“Where the hell have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you!,” Sehun shouted.

Junmyeon, despite his tears, was confused. Why would Sehun be looking for him if he already left? “But…you left?”

“What?,” Sehun asked, pulling Junmyeon again until they were standing at a less busy portion of the street. “I saw Kyungsoo running frantically around and when I asked what happened, he said you ran away. What were you thinking? Where were you going?”

“I was…I was going to you. I was going to tell you that I lied. That all I said yesterday was a lie. I was going to beg you to stay. To take me back. To love me –”

Junmyeon wasn’t able to finish his words because Sehun’s lips were already on his.

Urgent, needing, asking.

They broke apart, panting hard. Sehun’s shirt was bunched in Junmyeon’s hands.

“Jun…baby,” Sehun’s voice was shaking, unsure. “You don’t want me to go? You want to be with me?”

“I want to be with you. I always want to be with you. I don’t care if I don’t deserve you. I want to be selfish and be with you.”

Sehun kissed him again, with more passion that left them both breathless. “I was not leaving.”

“What? But you resigned? And the old lady said you left.”

“I left to do some job hunting. I quit because if I was to pursue you, it would be unethical and inappropriate for me to continue to be your teacher. I was not leaving, Jun. Even though you said those words, I knew they were empty words. I will stay. And I was going to pursue you. Because Junmyeon, what were the odds?”

“Hmm?”

“What were the odds that we already accepted that we won’t see each other again but fate still brought us together? So I decided. I will make you love me again. Even if it will take more time. Even if I won’t be successful. Because I love you and that’s all the matters to me.”

“I love you too. So much. So much,” Junmyeon said. “But I am me. I have to do a lot of forgiving. Myself, most especially. The guilt will still be there. The nightmares. The –”

“And we’ll go through it all together. You’ll have me now. I’ll help you. You’re the only one who can fix yourself but I’ll be here to help you. You have me, Kim Junmyeon. And you always will have me.”

“But your teaching…it’s your dream come true.”

“You’re my dream come true, baby,” Sehun said, pulling Junmyeon in a hug, his hand bracing Junmyeon’s head, the other resting on Junmyeon’s back. “Being with you is my dream come true.”

“You’re willing to sacrifice everything for me? You’re throwing away a good future because of me.”

“What good is a future if you’re not in it? And it’s not a sacrifice if it’s you I’ll be getting in the end. I know what I want, Junmyeon. And that is to be with you. Through the hard times, through the good times. I want to be with you.”

Junmyeon snaked his arms around Sehun’s waist. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not giving up on me. For not giving up on us. How can someone as perfect as you love someone as broken as me?”

“Baby, I’m not perfect. I also have my imperfections. But having you beside me, I guess that’s what made me feel perfect. Because of you. You complete me.”

Junmyeon smiled. After a long time, he smiled. And his heart was finally happy. His heart was finally at ease.

“I love you. Thank you for still loving me.”

“And I love you too. Thank you for coming back to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys love it? Let me know.
> 
> Check my twitter @bangwritesaus for my other stories. :)


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